According to legend, Jack Palance died with the longest recorded string of broken noses in recent history: twenty-one times, starting with his failed career as a boxer and then as a stunt-man and famous cowboy actor. He also broke some pretty famous noses of his own, notably that of Marlon Brando. Male model and margarine spokesman Fabio was riding on a roller-coaster when a pelican slammed into his face, shattering his manly schnoz. Paula Abdul tripped over her chihuahua.
I mention these merely
to make the point that we cannot control our surroundings, that fame
and fortune are no better defense against destiny than fear or
strength or protective headgear. Whether it be the brick wall of a
YMCA gym, a hurled beer can, the elbow of an anonymous booty-dancer,
or the fist of a wrathful woman, there will come a day when it has
your name on it, or at least the name of your nose. All you can do
is duck, and if that fails, at least stay awake until the concussion
wears off.
